[English/日本語]
Things that Surprised Foreign Students When They Came to Japan - Love (2)
In this article, I will introduce Japanese people's views on love.

1) The process of becoming a lover
In your country, what is the difference between a friend and a lover? In Japan, there are several processes to change from a friend to a lover. In most cases, if you find someone you like, you first ask him/her out on a date. After a few dates, you tell them, "Please be my girlfriend. And if the person says yes, you're in, you become lovers. When I tell this story, some international students say, "This is like asking for marriage! About 30 years ago, many students would write letters asking for a girlfriend, but nowadays, students are confessing their love through social networking sites. It's a bit tedious, but if you want a Japanese lover, try to be aware of this process.

2) Don't feed the fish you catch?
I often hear from foreigners that Japanese people are cold to their lovers. Are Japanese people really cold to their lovers? Japanese people are not very good at expressing their feelings straightforwardly, not just to their lovers. For this reason, it is said that they don't often say "I love you" to their lovers. In addition, since they want to have an equal relationship with their lovers, many men and women do not pay more for a meal, but rather split the bill. Also, working people are basically busy, so it is said that they date only once a week. If you just listen to this story, it sounds cold, doesn't it? Japanese people have their own unique expressions of affection. For example, many couples want to feel that they are always together by having a pair of things because they are too busy to see their lover very often. There are many couples who go out to buy a pair of rings, especially when they have just become lovers. I often hear Europe and America students say, "It's strange to wear a pair of rings when you're not engaged." You and your girlfriend or boyfriend should discuss and decide which culture you want to go with.

3) Special events for lovers
There are several special events for lovers. There are several special events for lovers, such as each other's birthday, the anniversary of their relationship, Valentine's Day, etc. Among them, Christmas is the one that surprises foreigners. In Japan, Christmas has a strong image of being an event to spend with lovers rather than a family event. Perhaps because of this, around November, people say, "Christmas is only a month away. If I don't get a girlfriend soon, it will be a very lonely Christmas. " Also, In Japanese TV dramas and movies, Christmas is always portrayed as a romantic scene.
It is also an important event to introduce your lover to your family. For Japanese people, introducing your lover to your family is when you are willing to marry him/her, so you carefully choose the clothes and souvenirs you will wear on that day. On the other hand, in many other countries, letting your family meet you often does not have such a heavy meaning. Therefore, asking your Japanese lover to "meet your family" may cause misunderstandings between you. Some of them may say, "I don't want to get married yet!" and you may be rejected, so be careful!

In this article, I introduced some of the Japanese views on love. Talking about love is one of the most popular topics in class. Please enroll in a Japanese language school and talk about it with people from various countries.

留学生が日本に来て驚いたこと~恋愛編②~
今回は日本人の恋愛観について紹介します。

①恋人になるまでのプロセス
みなさんの国では友達と恋人と何が違いますか?日本では友達から恋人に変わるためにはいくつかのプロセスがあります。ほとんどの場合、気になる人がいたら、まずはデートに誘います。何回かデートをして、その後「私と恋人になってください。」と相手に伝えます。そして、相手からOKがもらえれば恋人同士になります。この話をすると、留学生の中には「結婚をお願いするときみたい!」と言う人もいます。30年くらい前は、学生の場合、「恋人になってください」という手紙を書く人が多くいました。ちなみに、最近の学生はSNSで告白しているそうです。少し面倒ですが、日本人の恋人がほしい人はこのプロセスを意識してみてくださいね。

②釣った魚にエサはやらない?
日本人は恋人に冷たいという話を外国人からよく聞きます。日本人は本当に恋人に冷たいのでしょうか。日本人は恋人に限らず、自分の気持ちをストレートに伝える人が少ないです。そのため、恋人に対しても「愛している」と言葉であまり伝えないと言われています。また、恋人には対等な関係を望むので、男性でも女性でも食事の際にどちらかが多めに払うことはなく、割り勘にする人も多いです。また、社会人は基本的に忙しいので、デートは1週間に1回程度だと言われています。この話だけ聞くと冷たく感じますよね。日本人は日本人らしい愛情表現があります。例えば、忙しくて恋人とあまり会えないため、ペアのものを持つことで「いつも一緒にいる」と感じたいと思うカップルが多くいます。特に恋人になりたてで、ペアの指輪を買いに行くカップルは多いです。欧米の学生から「婚約していないのにペアの指輪は変です。」という意見をよく聞きます。どちらの文化に合わせるか、恋人とよく話し合って決めましょうね。

③恋人同士の特別なイベント
恋人同士の特別なイベントがいくつかあります。お互いの誕生日、付き合った記念日、バレンタイン…。その中で外国人に驚かれるのはクリスマスです。日本ではクリスマスは家族で過ごすイベントというよりも、恋人と過ごすイベントというイメージが強くあります。そのせいか、11月ごろになると、「クリスマスまであと1か月。早く恋人を作らないと、とてもさみしいクリスマスになってしまう。」と恋人のいない人は焦り始めます。日本のドラマや映画のラブストーリーでも、クリスマスはロマンチックなシーンとして描かれています。
恋人を家族に紹介するのも大切なイベントです。日本人にとって恋人を家族に紹介することは、その恋人と結婚をしてもいいと考えているときにするため、その日に着ていく服やお土産を慎重に選びます。一方、他の多くの国では、家族に会わせることはそんなに重い意味がない場合が多いです。そのため、日本人の恋人に「家族に会って」というと、お互いに勘違いが起こる可能性があります。中には「まだ結婚したくない!」と言われてふられてしまうこともあるので、気を付けましょうね。

今回は日本人の恋愛観の一部を紹介しました。恋愛についての話は授業でとても盛り上がるトピックの一つです。ぜひ、日本語学校に入学して色々な国の人と語り合いましょう。
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Oct. 5, 2021
[English/日本語] Things that Surprised International Students When They Came to Japan: Japanese People's Personalities (1) When I asked international students, "What kind of people did you think the Japanese people were when you were in your home country? " I asked them. They replied, "I thought Japanese people were polite, kind, and serious. But now it's a little different. They replied. So, what do international students think about Japanese people when they come to Japan? This time, I would like to talk about some of the behaviors and conversations that international students find strange when communicating with Japanese people. Social Etiquette This is a story about a Bangladeshi student. There is a Japanese person who I became friends with during break time at my part-time job. I was very happy because I had never made Japanese friends before. The Japanese person said, "Let's have dinner sometime. I was so happy that I asked him when he wanted to eat. Where do you want to eat? I asked. But the Japanese guy laughed and said he would check his schedule and that was the end of the conversation. I waited, wondering when. I waited and waited, but there was no answer at all. I wondered why. If you are Japanese, you may understand this story. When Japanese people say, "Let's eat dinner sometime," it does not mean that they really want to eat. This conversation is a kind of greeting. However, in most cases, it is not a lie from the Japanese to the foreign student, because it is often said when the conversation was enjoyable. It also implies that you might really want to have dinner together when you get to know each other better or when the timing is right. If someone says, "Let's have dinner sometime. If you are asked, "Let's have dinner sometime," you can say, "Sounds good. or "I would like to introduce you to some restaurants in my country, so please let me know when you are free. I'd like to introduce you to some restaurants in my country. What is your blood type? I often get asked by international students, "Why do Japanese people often ask me my blood type? Why is that? There are many international students who do not know their blood type. They also say that almost no one asks people their blood type in everyday conversation. In Japan, "blood type fortune-telling" and "blood type personality tests," which are not common in other countries, are often featured in morning information programs and women's magazines. Type A is serious, Type B is self-centered, Type O is sketchy, and Type AB is mysterious, to name a few of the blood type characteristics that Japanese people believe in. Some Japanese people don't want people to know that their blood type is B because they have a bad impression of it. When I tell this story, the foreign students burst into laughter. You may think it is ridiculous to judge people by their blood type, but it is true that for some Japanese people, it is used as a basis for judging others. If you are asked your blood type by a Japanese person, you may want to reply, "I don't know. Japanese people are quick to apologize A Mongolian student said to me, "Japanese people are quick to apologize. It's strange that they apologize even if it's not their fault. " Japanese people use the word "Sumimasen" a lot in their daily lives. The word "Sumimasen" is mainly used to apologize, but it is also used when you want to thank someone or call out to someone. However, this is not the only reason why Japanese people apologize more often than other countries. It is often said that the reason why Japanese people apologize so often is that they are a nation that is careful not to cause trouble to others. When foreigners see Japanese people apologizing, they think that Japanese people are polite, but at the same time, they sometimes feel as if they are running away from solving problems. However, if you get a job at a Japanese company or work part-time serving customers, you may have problems if you cannot apologize like a Japanese person. There are books on how to apologize, and even movies about it in japan. If you want to work in Japan, learn not only the Japanese language but also how to apologize. What do you think? In the next article, I will continue to tell you about Japanese people's behavior and conversation that international students find strange! 留学生が日本に来て驚いたこと~日本人の性格編①~ 留学生に「国にいるときに、日本人はどんな人達だと思っていましたか?」と聞くと、「礼儀正しい、親切、真面目だと思っていました。でも今は少し違います。」と答えます。では、日本に来た留学生は日本人対してどう思っているのでしょう。今回は留学生が日本人とコミュニケーションをとる時に「日本人って変だな。」と思った行動や会話などを中心に紹介します。 社交辞令 あるバングラデシュの学生の話。 アルバイト先の休憩時間で少し仲良くなった日本人がいます。日本人の友達が初めてでとてもうれしかったです。その日本人が「今度、ご飯食べよう」と言ってくれました。私はとてもうれしかったので、いつ食べますか?どこで食べますか?と聞きました。でもその日本人は笑って、「予定を調べる」と言って話はそれで終わりました。私はいつかな?と思って待っていましたが、全然返事がありません。どうしてでしょうか? この話は日本人のならわかると思います。日本人の「今度、ご飯食べよう」は本当に食べたいと思っているわけではありません。この会話はあいさつのようなものです。ただ、会話をして楽しかったときに言う場合が多いので、留学生に対して失礼なことをしようという気持ちはまったくありません。そして、もっと仲が良くなったときやタイミングが合ったときに本当に一緒に食事をするかもしれないという意味も含まれています。もし、「今度、ご飯を食べよう。」と言われたときは、「いいですね。」や「私の国のお店を紹介したいので、暇なとき教えてください。」などの返事をするといいかもしれません。 あなたの血液型は何? 留学生から「日本人に血液型をよく聞かれるけれど、どうしてですか?」と質問されることがあります。留学生で自分の血液型を知らない人は少なくありません。また、普段の会話の中で人に血液型を聞く人はほとんどいないと言います。日本では他の国にはあまりない「血液型占い」や「血液型性格診断」などが朝の情報番組や女性誌でよくとりあげられています。日本人が信じている血液型の特徴をあげると、A型は真面目、B型は自己中心的、O型は大雑把、AB型はミステリアスなどです。日本人で自分の血液型がB型の人は、悪い印象を持たれているから人に知られたくないという人もいます。この話をすると留学生からは爆笑がおこります。血液型で人を判断するのは馬鹿らしいと思うかもしれませんが、一部の日本人にとってはそれを相手の判断材料にする人がいるのも事実です。あなたが日本人に血液型を聞かれたときは「知らないんです。」と答えるのがいいかもしれませんね。 すぐ謝る日本人 モンゴルの学生から「日本人はすぐに謝ります。自分が悪くなくても謝るのは変です。」と言われたことがあります。日本人は「すみません」という言葉を日常生活で多用します。「すみません」は主に謝罪の時に使いますが、その他にも感謝したい時や呼びかける際にも使います。しかし、それだけではなく日本人が他の国と比べて謝罪が多いのは確かです。日本人が頻繁に謝罪する理由としてよく言われるのが『他人に迷惑をかけないように気をつかう国民性』があげられます。日本人が謝罪する様子を見て、日本人は礼儀正しいと外国人に思われる一方、問題解決をすることから逃げているように感じると言われることもあります。ただ、日本の企業に就職した場合やアルバイトで接客をする場合は日本人のような謝罪ができないと問題が起きてしまうことがあります。謝罪の仕方の本屋、それを題材にした映画などもあります。日本で働く場合は日本語だけではなく謝罪の方法も学びましょう。 いかがでしたか?次回も留学生が変だと思う日本人の行動や会話などについてお伝えまします!
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Sep. 21, 2021
[English/日本語] Things that Surprised International Students When They Came to Japan - Love (1) Some international students have Japanese lover boyfriends or girlfriends. There are also students who have found someone of the opposite sex they like and ask how to appeal to them. In this article, I would like to introduce some episodes of love that have actually happened to international students. I followed a beautiful woman... A male student was approached by a woman at a train station. She was very beautiful and they had a nice conversation, so the student promised to meet her next time. Later, the woman contacted the student and invited him to her house. The student was very excited to enter the house. And found several of her friends there. The woman told him that they were in the same business. The male student was invited to join the business, but he properly refused. Basically, Japanese women do not actively approach strangers. Also, don't immediately go to a stranger's house, even if the person is a woman. When I gave lady first to a Japanese woman There is a story about a Western student who gave a female employee ”ladies first” treatment, and the female staff mistakenly thought that the student liked her. In the old days in Japan, women were taught to walk three steps behind men. That is why Japanese women were rarely treated kindly by men. Today, this has changed considerably. However, we do not have ”ladies first” culture like in the West. Therefore, if you do something to a Japanese woman, such as holding the door open for her, she may think, "Maybe that foreigner likes me. " and this may lead to trouble.Treating women well is a good thing, so you may want to proactively introduce yourself to them about your own culture to clear up any misunderstandings. Sudden improvement in Japanese language skills! Sometimes there are students who suddenly become fluent in Japanese. When I talk to such students, they often tell me that they have found a Japanese lover or someone they are slightly attracted to.It is said that the best way to improve your language skills is to get a girlfriend or boyfriend from the country where you are studying. Of course, there are people whose only love interest is someone from their own country. It is very important to "like" something related to Japan. I hope you can find as many "likes" as possible. In this article, I introduced an episode that actually happened. Next time, I would like to introduce the Japanese view of love. 留学生が日本に来て驚いたこと~恋愛編①~ 留学生の中で日本人の恋人ができる人がいます。また、好きな異性ができて、どうやってアピールしたらいいか相談をもちかける学生もいます。今回は留学生が実際にあった異性との関係についてのエピソードを紹介します。 きれいな女性についていったら… ある男子留学生が駅で女性に声をかけられました。とてもきれいな女性で、話もはずみ、次に会う約束をしました。その後、女性から連絡があり、女性の家に招待された学生がうきうきしながら、家の中に入ってみると、女性の友だちが数人いました。話を聞くと同じビジネスの仲間だったそうです。男子学生はビジネスに勧誘されましたが、きちんと断ったそうです。日本人の女性は基本的に自分から知らない人に積極的に声はかけません。また、相手が女性でもあまり知らない人の家にはすぐに行かないようにしましょう。 日本人の女性にレディファーストをしたら ある欧米の学生がアルバイト先の仲間(女性)に、レディファーストの対応をしたら、好きだと勘違いされてしまったという話があります。昔の日本では、女性は男性の後ろを3歩下がって歩きなさいという教えがありました。それだけ、日本人の女性は男性からやさしくされることは少なかったのです。現在はだいぶ変わりました。しかし、欧米のようなレディファーストの文化はありません。そのため、女性のためにドアを開けて待っていたりするような行為を日本人女性にすると、「あの外国人は私のことを好きなのかもしれない。」と勘違いして、それが原因でトラブルが起きることがあります。女性を大切に扱うことはいいことなので、自分から積極的に自国の文化について紹介して、誤解を解いてもいいかもしれません。 突然の日本語力の向上! ときどき急に日本語が上手になる学生がいます。そんな学生に話を聞くと、日本人の恋人や少し気になる人ができたということがよくあります。語学はその国の恋人を作ることが上達への近道と言われています。もちろん恋愛対象が自分の国の人しかいない人もいるでしょう。日本に関係する何かを「好き」になることは、とても大切なことです。みなさんも「好き」を1つでも多く見つけられるといいですね。 今回は実際に起きたエピソードを紹介しました。次回は日本人の恋愛観について紹介したいと思います。